Alphaville have always given me the impression that I would be big in Japan, but this just isn’t the case. Let’s face it, my belly is big everywhere but despite the stereotype that Japanese people are small, I am not towering over anyone. No one is looking up at me and asking me what the weather is like up on my lofty heights. I am not ducking to get into doors or staring at my midrift when I look in mirrors. I am not Big in Japan, I am pretty damn average in Japan if the truth be known. In fact, I am beginning to blend in so much that people don’t even realise I’m a Geijin, one could say I am turning Japanese. This lack of giant status is just one of the many disappointments that Japan has sprung on me. Plenty more of those to come as the blog continues on, but what I really want to talk about today is toilets. I know my previous two entries have had mention of toilets but I thought there should be a specific entry just about the throne.
At least three Japanese people have complained to me about the state of the bogs in Britain. And, you know, they might have a point. Whereas in Britain, public toilets are few and far between, they are expensive, grubby, places, that you can only use if you are a customer, or have the correct change or have no sense of smell. But here the public toilets are plentiful, clean and free. Every train station has a lovely loo, the convenience stores have welcoming W.Cs and the cafes and restaurants have jazzed up johns. Okay, most of them are lacking hand-dryers, but one can’t complain when everything else is provided for you, they even have that seat for kids so your toddler can have a front row seat to watch you pee.
And the toilets themselves are state of the art. They look like Captain Kirk’s chair on the Starship Enterprise, with the plethora of controls close at hand. Seriously, not only can you clean the seat, warm the seat, play music to protect your modesty, disinfect to hide the smell, cleanse yourself with a built in bidet (be warned, if you have the water on too hot or too powerful can bring a tear to your eyes,) you can also order pizza and launch a missile attack on North Korea. So maybe, the locals have a point and us Europeans can learn a thing or two about toilets from our Japanese cousins. But they shouldn’t get too smug. They are not perfect. For one, that control panel is missing one button, the flush button. That is hidden. It could be behind the toilet, on the wall next to the toilet or just up the road, turn left, turn right and then behind the pillar. Secondly, their toilet signs leave a lot to be desired. If I ruled the world, I would make sure all toilet signs were clear and unambiguous, not like the ones below. I am sure clear toilet signage would solve 99% of the worlds’ problems. Finally, Japanese toilets go from the sublime to the ridiculous as you can see from the pic below adn of course, you only come across those when you really need to go.
is it me or does this woman look like a man?
Luckily this man looks more like a man.
So your child can watch you pee,
if you can't see this, this reads, 'be careful to avoid hiting child when opening and closing door, etc.
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